Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

The ghetto has turned me into a Disney princess. I am Snow White and I have seven very weird, very crazy dwarves.

By that I mean my roommates, some of whom you have already heard about. This post is dedicated to them.

First off, the man who opened his door and room to me while I figure out my life- Urban Jesus. I’ve known Urban Jesus since freshman year and he has never ceased to be a source of laughter and marijuana. He is the peacemaker amongst the chaos of the house.

Queen- Queen is perhaps my favorite of the roommates. He is a fabulously gay, neon short shorts wearing bag boy at a local grocery store who has a huge personality and no boundaries. We have become good friends and on my last day in the house he burst in my room, got down on his knees, grabbed my legs and yelled, ‘Don’t go!!!’ The first day I was at the house he decided to see how long it would take him to remove all his clothes. In the middle of the living room and in front of all of us. The answer? 6 seconds.

Huck- Huck Finn is the boy in the basement whom I don’t believe I’ve ever seen in any state of sobriety. He reminds me of Huck Finn because he runs around barefoot with cut off jeans and a raggedy captain’s hat on over a crazy mop of hair and wears no underwear (don’t ask how I know). He owns a fearsome cat named Cthulhu.

Argentina- a native of- you guessed it!- Argentina and a recent citizen of the US of A, Argentina is a fellow traveler like me. He went to school in Montana and hugged me when I told him that Mohammad Morsi (formerly of Egyptian President fame) was deposed. There isn’t any internet at the house, so news is slow to arrive. Alcohol and no small amount of drugs were also involved.

Giant- a proud new owner of a crappy truck and a massive pair of steel toed boots, Giant is gigantic. I’m talking 6 foot 8, 270 pounds, mohawk and black death metal band t-shirt, the whole 9 yards. This guy was hilarious but understandably a little scary… I’m glad he’s on my side.

Hankie- Hankie handed me a beer and a whiskey bottle upon my entry to the house and therefore he is endeared to me forever. He had a wacky work schedule and I didn’t get to see him much, but he’s crazy and you have to love that kind of attitude. The hankie he always wore around his wrist could’ve used a cycle through the washer, though.

Powder- my least favorite but thankfully temporary roommate, Powder had an affinity for illegal substances and shady associates. He was a nice guy with a lot of potential, but didn’t seem to be willing to put the necessary amount of work in to accomplish what he wanted to do with his life.

Then there’s me, minus the wicked witch and the poisoned apple. Living in a house with many messy boys and a constant stream of people coming in and out takes its toll on the most patient of us (of which I am not in that category). I learned to covet my set of silverware and that nothing left in the fridge was sacred. I learned to step over the piles of laundry and ignore my dirty reflection in the mirror. My suitcase of meager belongings was the only important thing in my life. I learned to enjoy the myriad of personalities each person brought to the table and to appreciate them in all their substance abused glory. I achieved a sense of peaceful nirvana and grew to appreciate my time spent in limbo.

Yeah, right.

I mostly really fucking hated it.

Rags to riches? We’ll see about that.

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