Recently a friend told me about a funny experiment two people are conducting in New York; two friends, both designers, have vowed to date each other exclusively for 40 days in order to try and work out the idiosyncrasies in the way each of them have conducted their love lives over the years. Jessica and Tim, the couple in question, post on their blog every day answers to a questionnaire detailing their interactions with each other and anything that may have happened. I won’t go into too much detail as you can read it for yourself here : http://www.fortydaysofdating.com
Here are a few quotes I found memorable and interesting from it:
“I was thinking about some of my buddies who are in a relationship that doesn’t completely stimulate them. So many men and women accept this standard, it’s no wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce. Are we so desperate for companionship that we’ll compromise our happiness? Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? And why don’t we realize this until it’s too late?” -Tim
This hits home hard. Hindsight may be 20/20, but we have direct control over our actions of the present. We settle for bad or mediocre relationships because they provide the companionship and attention we desire, ignoring the warning signs. There are good moments (there might even be great moments) and you may grow to deeply care about that person- but we, and they, deserve more. The best. The lonely parts in between now and finding the best person, however, drive us (me) back to compromise happiness.
“We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions.” -Jessica
Oh god. So true. When I do something it’s because of [insert random and arguably applicable excuse here], but when someone else does something it is because they are a terrible, god-awful person who obviously has no soul.
That’s not a good way to live life. It isn’t gracious, and it takes away the humanness of the people around us. Remembering that someone else has intentions behind their actions just like I do could cut down on a lot of pain and misunderstandings; sharing those intentions with the people around you (and especially a significant other) even more so.
“I stress because I give a fuck.”- Jessica
Actually giving a fuck about things really sucks. It means you have to care. I stress, I worry, I lose sleep, I train for marathons, any manner of activity that could potentially help me solve the problem in front of me. Too bad people aren’t solvable like Rubik’s Cubes… Not that I’m any better at those!
“Just because I’m in pain doesn’t mean I have to be one.” –Jessica
Whatever kind of pain I am in, be it physical or emotional, I don’t have to hide it or project it onto my friends and family. I can express that I am hurting without lashing out, in order to benefit the best from the support network I have around me.
“Someone once said that the best kind of relationship is one where you “talk like best friends, play like children, argue like husband and wife, and protect each other like brother and sister.” “. –Jessica
I miss this.
Jenny Holzer: Protect me from what I want- the Universe
Protect me from what I want… in moderation. Universe, please give me a plane ticket to Jordan and a plan for the next year of my life that doesn’t involve what I’m currently doing. I know I should be seeking to learn from this present experience, but I really want to fast forward this phase and be where I want to be.
“My hand misses your hand.” -Tim
… the feels, man. I do not enjoy the feeling of missing someone, because no matter who else is in your life that person is irreplaceable. My hand misses your hand.
That’s all for now, folks. Go read the 40 days of dating blog!