Tonight I had a girl date with my friend Kelsey- we had dinner at a great sushi place formerly associated with a guy I dated and now associated with an evening full of laughter, stories, sake bombs, and nearly choking on delicious sushi from the aforementioned laughing.
We then saw the movie The Heat, starring Sandra Bullock (mega girl crush- Ms. Congeniality was the first chick flick I ever really enjoyed and it remains my favorite to this day) and Melissa McCarthy. I saw this movie with my mother and although she didn’t appreciate the profanity, she loved the movie and we laughed until we cried. Let’s just say there’s a reason I buy waterproof makeup, and it’s not because I cry a lot and at random intervals (although…)- it’s because I’m fucking laughing at you all and life and sometimes I tear up. Anyways.
1. Everyone needs a best friend, girl or guy, who will arrange your injured body on a hospital gurney to look more attractive to the opposite sex.
2. Everyone also needs a best friend who will suspend judgement while the two of you get shit faced in a nasty dive bar and wake up hungover as balls the next day.
3. Sometimes, you just gotta swear. Sorry, Mom and Dad, I speak like a fucking Marine.
4. ‘Unpleasant’ can describe an individual who does her job by the book, is smart, resourceful, hard working, follows all the rules and who is disliked by everyone; it can also be used to describe someone who swears every other god-damn word, routinely breaks the rules of the job, the law, and common decency, and brandishes a variety of lethal weapons at inappropriate times. You all gotta learn from the people around you.
5. Even unpleasant people can have good, productive jobs. I don’t know if it’s just Hollywood messing with me or I’m looking in the wrong places, but it seems to me that the majority of humanity is a bunch of assholes and yes, I can be one too, but I should be able to find a good job. People like me.
6. We all have messed up families, but I haven’t put any of my family members in jail and they all still talk to me.
7. I am very glad I am not from a part of America that speaks with terrifying accents (Boston, I’m super looking at you. Also, the entire East Coast).
That’s all I got for now! Seriously, go see the movie. It’s hysterical and if my mother can sit through a few F bombs, so can you. Cheers.