Another beginning

I like dates. I like spending time with people, getting to know them, doing fun things together. I value companionship and the opportunity to see life from someone else’s perspective. I also have the tendency to stay in relationships because I hate being alone, regardless of whether or not the relationship is healthy or something either of us should be spending time on.

Well, I went on a date yesterday with the boy who wrote me a cute note on the bus- and it was awesome!

I was nervous. I barely remembered what this guy looked like and had no idea what to expect. I am used to dating people within my friend circle, or a friend of a friend; I’ve rarely dated someone I’ve met spontaneously. So I settled myself into the restaurant where we were meeting and waited. Which we all know how good I am at waiting.

Bus Guy arrived and good news- not creepy and he’s cute! We both are sans cars, work in restaurants, and have one sibling. He is from Virginia so I got to make some jokes about the south which is always fun for me. We got tacos and headed to a fun bar with a bunch of arcade games, where I was soundly beat at all the games we played. He smokes (as do most of the people in my life) so I’ll just add him to the growing list of people who get to pay my medical bills when I get cancer from second hand smoke.

The bar turned into coffee by the creek and touring my favorite bookstore downtown before heading to another dive bar for a concert, which was really fun. The band was called the Pietasters (I love pie, which isn’t relevant) and it was a genre of music called Ska, which I’ve never listened to before. There was drinking, much laughing, and dancing! By the time we headed home it was the wee hours of the morning and my cheeks hurt from laughing. We watched the Incredibles and yes, there was snuggling. His roommate has a very funny cat named Cheeto who, like most other cats, walked all over me.

It’s nice to meet someone who you feel comfortable around. It’s nice to meet someone who prefers Star Wars to Star Trek, reads books, works hard, and still plays with Legos. It’s nice to meet someone who thinks you are pretty, funny, and smart. It’s nice to be kissed and held and to laugh, to feel special.

And yet my brain automatically goes to the relationships that have failed despite of the wonderful things listed above and more. No matter how unique and special I seem on paper, no one has ever stayed. It isn’t enough. Life happens. My brain heads to the day when I’ll leave to travel the world again, to study and work because this isn’t where I belong. My head and heart know that no matter how happy I am now or wherever this ends up going, it has an expiration date. And I hate that, because he’s really nice.

So, I don’t know where this goes. I don’t see the big picture or know what will happen tomorrow or a month from now or a year from now. All I know is that a guy wrote me a note on a bus and we had a lot of fun together.

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